nonplowed

In today's mail.

Besides a paper cut, I received notice of a retroactive rent increase, and my first doctor bill ever. So much for my "insurance."

Last night's walk to the studio.

4:30am workout.

1/11/11

As much as I would like the events of this weekend to be caused by rhetoric from the right, Jared Loughner seems as political as John Hinckley Jr.

A Crossroads.

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New Year.

I was watching a video from the early 90's of the Jesus Lizard. Yow gets hit in the head with a bottle, and he goes down. But he get back up, starts the song over, and I realize, with sudden clarity, that the young generation of bands that I'm currently subjected to has never seen or heard such a wonderful thing as a Jesus Lizard show. It just about made me cry. Not for them, but for me. I sit here now blasting "Zachariah" thinking I didn't know how good we had it, and let it get away.

I went to a photo show at ICP yesterday. Mostly war/combat photography. The Spanish Civil War, and Cuban Revolution. There were some beautiful pictures taken by people not considered great photographers, but photographers in the right place at the right time. I did not agree with that point of view. Putting yourself in the midst of conflict, in harms way, because there's a story that you feel must be told, even if your own personal or political views skew that story, takes greatness. Jeska asked me, in the middle of that gallery, if I would be able to go out with my camera if shooting broke out in New York City. I didn't answer. I didn't have an answer. I want to think that I would, but I can't even imagine. It's such a different time. War breaking out in NYC wouldn't take the form of shooting in the streets. It takes the form of planes hitting buildings, and bombs strapped to cars and fools. Even when it comes to war, we didn't know how good we had it.

I'll never take pictures that will live up to those I saw yesterday, and I'll never make music as good as the music I'm listening to right now, and I'm really not okay with either of those facts. I start off 2011 throwing my hands up in bitter resignation. You win, time. Happy new year.