Sunday, January 14, 2007

Family trees.

I accidentally sat next to a friend on the subway the other day. I hadn't seen her in a while. When we realized who we were sitting next to, I slid over close. I jokingly asked what was new with her, and she pointed to the sleeping infant in the stroller she was attached to. One of her bands was just on tour. They took the kid with them. He's three months old, and has already been on the road. Another mom had just expressed to me concerns over her freedom, and where it went when the kid came along. Before that exchange, a friend without a kid expressed the same concerns, and feels like fleeing. I can only conclude that it's in us. We have no one else to blame. And I don't know what makes some people run away, and I don't know why they shouldn't, and I don't know why some people stay if there isn't anyone depending on them, and I don't know why they should, and I don't know why people come to me for advice, but I'm glad they do.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

funny this one. when i lived on the road, and left and had a baby...some people i traveled with or were road crew responded in anger. "well what am I gonna do now that you, the rolling-ist stone i know has decided to have a kid!?" some of them became lifers some didn't. But when I had Ruby, I had already spent the 9 months comming down from the road, climbing off the walls. When she was here, I went out 3 more times, only short runs of 3 weeks or less. It wasn't the squeezing of my aching breasts in the office of the Casbah in San Diego, or the inability to talk to anyone about being a Mom, but when Ruby pushed me away because she didn't recognize me when I had her brought to soundcheck att he Fillmore that mde me say never again. All Moms go through this thing: how am I going to have me and be a Mom too, weather you work on the road or not. It takes years to figure out. And if you are someone who has ran their whole life it is a really tough one to figue out. Hopefully & eventually you find a balance. If that means bringing the kid with you then thats what it needs to be. The best thing for a Mom to do for her kids is to be happy, and thankfully kids are mobile. When they get to be school age, it gets a litle different an you have to work around them, but it is possible to have your life and theirs too..everything just takes twice as long.
Only recently though I have stopped running. I found different ways to run over the years, but they never made me feel good. Running is different than freedom. I think if you face who you are and what you need to keep you sane (must go out to see music a couple times a week, must go on a trip once a year, must play my guitar for an hour a day) and make it a part of your life too...then you find you don't need to run anymore. Running is not healthy, it is a reaction to being afraid and not being able to cope and sit in your own stuff. But it all eventually catches up with you as it usually does damage. I think we all want to be grounded, and not afraid, and live without compromise...and be allowed to get lost or test our boundries here and there. KW

3:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i have only 2 short things to say. first, to KW: Amen to all that!
And to Josh: Happy Birthday!

N. Crunch
Northampton, MA

12:59 PM  

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