What the hell am I listening to?

Is it me, or is it the more you get paid, the more shit you should expect to endure at your job? At some point you’d think it should start to go the other way around. When does that switch happen?

It’s 7am. I’m still up. That means it’s still Becca’s birthday. Wish we all could have shared the sunrise, but I guess employment is kinda important. The sunrise we share will be better than tonight’s clear, featureless one.

Oops.

See people.

When I think of someone I know, the image of that person appears in my mind. I think that’s a common process. There are a few people that I can’t see. Maybe time away makes some fade. Sometimes the person looks similar to another person I know, and the actual likeness gets blurred between the two. Sometimes I just can’t get a handle on it. I met two people in the last few weeks, and I can see one of them very clearly, and the other is just out of reach, and it’s really getting to me. I like this person, I want to see her, and I feel bad I can’t. Pictures help here, but I can’t really take pictures of everyone I meet just to help me remember them. Or can I?
There’s a person that meant a great deal to me many years ago, who I haven’t seen in about 15 years, and I haven’t been able to see her very well for most of that time. I have two pictures of her, and you can’t really see her face in either. I like to believe that if I ever run into her, I’ll recognize her instantly. If not by her face, by hands that used to mesmerize me with their grace and, somehow, wisdom. I like to believe that.

I was looking at the schedule tonight, and it seems that I’ll never see Becca again. And my spellcheck wants to change her name to Mecca. Somehow, it makes sense.

History. Pictures.

I’ve just printed about 60 proof sheets. The last 60 or so rolls I’ve developed. In looking at that many, putting them in order, putting them away, I got a glimpse of history. History of the last year of my life. Pictures is how I keep track of time and events. I don’t write the date on every roll of film just for a convenient way to catalog. I do it so I’ll know when that thing happened. I just saw 2004 all at once. Got to see when the last time I saw certain people. When that friend came to town with his gal. When that other friend had that going away gathering before moving far away, and when she came back for a quick visit. When I ran into that woman I hadn’t seen in years, and we spent the last night she had in town together before she went back home. When I went out drinking with some friends shortly before they all got clean and sober. When my old boss opened his short lived guitar store. That art show in that bar. The night we made out in the middle of Ave A. The last night we spent together. Tax day protests outside the post office. Mom’s birthday dinner. 5AM pierogies.
The weekend in the woods, by a lake, with blazing fires at night. Making a new friend. Dad’s play. 4th of July on the roof thinking we should be shooting back at the other roofs. December 1st dinner. Cousin’s birthday. Watching the cats. The baby. The wedding. The protests. The protests. The protests. Sometimes I’m afraid that if I don’t take pictures, I won’t have a history. I wonder if, someday, I’ll forget how to remember because a camera does it for me.

Arrrrrr...

I woke this morning after what was the worst work dream I had ever had. I can’t remember the details, and I’m kinda glad. Just missed the train, then the bus. Had nothing to do for the ten hours I spent at work, and very little to show for it. Soundman for the big headliner freaks because half the PA cut out, but neither I, nor my stage manager, nor another sound guy in attendance heard a thing. I just stopped talking to him. People shouldn’t do sound AND tour manage. We lost another coworker to addiction, and it won’t be the last. Got bothered by acquaintances and promoters that I didn’t want to deal with, and lead-foot cabbie got me home in a minute tops. But ya know what? I just won forty bucks in a scratch-off. Ahhh, life is good.

Note to self.

The lunar new year parade was pretty disappointing. There were floats, but I’m not sure what they represented. Maybe they just represented their sponsors. I saw one for a law firm. Another had people on board throwing keychains to the crowd. I don’t think keychains are ancient tradition. The first day, while I missed the big firecracker thing, was a lot more fun. Next year, go to the first day with the dragons and explosions scaring away bad spirits and stuff, and skip the parade. At least it was a beautiful day, and Chinatown is still pretty foreign to me. I resisted buying one of those streamer cannons, but now I wish I hadn’t. It’d be fun to shoot one out my window. Add some color to the neighborhood.

To all my friends...

I feel I have to address a situation that’s been coming up too often lately.
I know you all have lives to live, and I know sometimes there’s not enough hours in a day, and I know all kinds of unexpected events can pop up. While I’d love to hear from you daily, I know that if you don’t get in touch with me for a little bit, it’s most likely because of one or a combination of good reasons, and not because you are a bad person. We all evolve, and not always in the same direction, but friendships can survive change, and surviving change can make our bonds stronger.
Some day, we’ll all live together in a great big house that contains all the things we could ever need. Until then, we’ll have to settle for feeling at home just knowing we’re there for each other, wherever we may be.

The body is a wonder.

I had this strange thing happen to me last night. You know that feeling you get in your stomach when something bad happens to you in the area of love? That pain you can’t control, and can’t fix with anything other than time and distance? Well, I’m occasionally in a situation where an ex causes that type of feeling to happen. But now, I get that familiar blow to the gut, but it’s over as quickly as it came. I realized that my belly thinks it should react that way, then my brain reminds it everything’s okay, and I feel fine. I laughed about it all the way home.

All I want to do.

A couple nights ago, I laced up my boots, put on my coat, and walked down from the sixth floor, just to take pictures of a puddle. I noticed the puddle earlier in the day, and decided it would look better at night.

Day.

I seemed to have survived a very trying two weeks of work, and what doesn’t kill me,,,,
Speaking of that quote, or misquote, Amy found a way to get me to come visit her in Austin, and that is by way of a wedding. Another amazing woman gets hitched, and I hope her fella knows how lucky he truly is. Maybe she’s lucky too, but I’ve never met the guy.
I haven’t been on an airplane in about five years.
In my first day off in too long, I managed to do half the things I’d hoped. I went to B&H. I feel way too “at home” in that place. Bought some paper, so maybe I’ll make some postcards tonight. Right after I stop eating these cookies.
The INXS thing was fun. Am I allowed to say that?